Funny Quotes and Sayings

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Famous One-Liners

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. Because they can afford to be. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure. The thief spends less than my wife did. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.

120 Funny Inspirational Quotes Celebrating Life, Love, & Struggles

Same with money. Definitely, what a splendid blog and illuminating posts, I surely will bookmark your site. All the Best! Your email address will not be published. All written content on this site is for information purposes only. Opinions expressed herein are solely those of AWM, unless otherwise specifically cited.

All information or ideas provided should be discussed in detail with an advisor, accountant or legal counsel prior to implementation. Funny Money Quotes 1. Reader Comments Definitely, what a splendid blog and illuminating posts, I surely will bookmark your site.

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Elizabeth Bartz Minneapolis, MN. Ha Ha! One of the best posts ever! Not Will Smith? Leave a comment Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Joan Rivers. You may also like: inspirational quotes motivational quotes happiness quotes love quotes life quotes.

Part 2. Funny Quotes That ARE…

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. Aparna Nancherla Twitter. In this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city. Aparna Nancherla. I just want my stomach to be as flat as my ass. Men cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.

James A. Garfield Click to tweet. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. Abraham Lincoln. Steven Wright. Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

One Liners

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice. Otto von Bismarck Click to tweet. Franz Kafka. All the time. Wendy Mass. Some people are like clouds. Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. Greg Tamblyn Click to tweet.

50 Funny Motivational Quotes To Put A Smile On Your Face

Henny Youngman. It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. Ralph Waldo Emerson. I spent hours of my life for a paper and a handshake.

15 Funny Love Quotes From Comedians Who Totally Get You

A child educated only at school is an uneducated child. George Santayana. Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school. Albert Einstein. Tom Bodett. Finish last in your league and they call you idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you doctor. Abe Lemons. Gene Perret.

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  • No wonder the teacher knows so much; she has the book. Edgar Watson Howe Click to tweet. Bill Vaughan. The human brain is special. Milton Berle. Dave Kellett. Haruki Murakami. I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know. Bill Watterson. My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5. A boss on vacation is the most cost effective measure. Everybody in the office has a vacation at the cost of one. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

    George Carlin Click to tweet. The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.

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    Funny Quotes and Sayings Funny Quotes and Sayings
    Funny Quotes and Sayings Funny Quotes and Sayings
    Funny Quotes and Sayings Funny Quotes and Sayings
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